Mini-K Ranch : Press Releases

Unexpected Delivery Pops up at Mini-K

JFrum — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Mink-K Ranch File Photo

This just in! MinK news has just learned that the farmer looking guy in overalls has recently made a significant discovery in the area of the barnyard. The discovery was made early in the morning while inspecting the barn yard area. Details are still sketchy however it is apparent that something new was found in the barnyard area. "I was just up there in the area of the barn yard area when I looked out and thought to myself What the Hell!" The farmer looking guy in overalls in the area of the barn yard probably thought to himself in the area of the barn yard area.

"We certainly weren't expecting this in the middle of August" the farmer looking guy in overall probably mumbled as he gazed upon the sight in disbelief. Authorities confirmed late Wednesday that normally these things are known to be arriving in advance and made no further comment.

A short time later the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls apparently made a trip back to the house to notify mama-k of the apparent unexepcted delivery. "It was during this time we noticed that the webmaster guy posted the wrong photo on the website and we ordered it corrected" Mini-K officials stated. "The Webmaster has since added the following photo for further review."

CoCo Chimera File Photo

Sometime after the apparent unexpected discovery in the area of the barn yard area and the time that Mama-K returned to the area of the barn yard area with the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls. Mama-K was able to quickly confirm the arrival and eventually settled on a new name for the unexpected barn yard area delivery up in the area of the barn yard area. That name which has not yet been released is said to be "CoCo Chimera". The name apparently can only be announced to the tune of a specific Barry Manilow Song.

Authorities have not released details on where the barn yard area discovery came from but can speculate Bucky was involved. Mama-K also received a new tattoo in the shape of a hoof from Ghost. Ghost was not available for comment and would not confirm if the tattoo was paid for with a flowered check.

The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls was last seen in the area of the barn yard area hay hoarding. Authorities speculate the hay will be needed this Winter and the extra occupants of the barn which is located in the area of the barn yard area.

Authorities also confirmed Wednesday that ground will be broken on a new shelter for the area of the barn yard area. No further details are available on the structure and we will bring you continuing coverage as these details emerge (in the area of the barn yard area). Authorities would not comment if a new barn in the area of the barn yard area would remove the "area" in the barn yard area when it was completed.

Happy Holidays From The Mini-K Ranch

JFrum — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Tuesday clans members around the area of the Mini-K Ranch were seen getting ready for the holidays. The barn yard area was a very busy place. The chicken clan was busy stringing the lights overhead while the horsie clan was preparing the trees. The goat clan was last seen on the back hill preparing the country side for the 1st annual KINI Christmas Production. Clans members were very vague in details and were much too busy to comment. Authorities expect the production will be ready soon and just in time for Chirstmas. Although Mini-K Ranch officials offered no further details the attached video was leaked by the kitty clan.

"The production, well underway has kept the clans very busy", commented one unidentified source. Still the hillside needs much more work before the production can begin. The production may have been funded using flowered checks although no conclusive evidence has been found to support this theory. The weather around the barnyard area has been reported as much cooler since the production got underway but it's hard to determine if that was cause or effect. The Donkey clan, which has recently doubled in size, may be responsible for the strange activities around the barn yard area. No further details were available.

Fannie Debuts At Mini-K Ranch

JFrum — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:56:00 GMT

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Fannie File Photo

Breaking News From Mini-K Ranch

Kini Radio just outside of Underwood Iowa has just released information of Fannie, a recent arrival at the Ranch. The station reports that overnight Bernice has indeed changed into a horsie clan member. The station reported a temperature drop of over 35 degrees since the arrival of Bernice late Sunday night which may have caused the freakish reaction.

Clans members are also reporting that Bernice now insists on going by Fannie and has turned a dark brown color. "The dead give away was the red stripes" declared one unidentified chicken clan member about 112 times in a row.

When questioned further about the white donkey with brown spots and red stripes standing only 4 feet away, the chicken clan member declined further comment only stating that "The dead give away was the red stripes".

The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls was not available for comment and was not seen waving any sort of flowered covered checkbook as he normally does. Authorities speculate he may be trying to hide something. It was not known if a flowered covered check was responsible for the reaction. Fannie was last seen prancing around the farm yard struting her stuff.

Bernice Joins Mini-K Ranch

JFrum — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:03:00 GMT

Bernice File Photo

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Monday officials at Mini-K Ranch near Underwood, Iowa announced a new arrival at the Ranch. Bernice, a small white, with brown spots and red stripes, 4 month old Donkey arrived safely at the ranch. Bernice would not comment but was already showing great progress towards the press who were present the day after her arrival.

It is not clear where Bernice arrived from but Mini-K Ranch officials were spotted near a town with a misspelled name and it was good to be out of the rain. Officials from the NECC out of Omaha only offered that the transport left with one occupant and arrived with two.

Bernice has made herself comfortable in Dozers old pen and was getting acquainted the Mama-K Ranch Lady. Bernice will remain isolated from the other farm clans until she becomes acquainted with them. Bucky, the other donkey on the ranch was not available for comment but was last seen in intense conversation with Sid, the stallion.

No further details were immediately available regarding the ranch staff, how Bernice got aboard the trailer or how many flowered check transactions were made in the process.

Goat Clan Stork Crash Lands at Mini-K

JFrum — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:43:00 GMT

Mini-K Ranch Underwood, Ia

Goatie Clan File Photo

Authorities confirmed today around 2 AM CST that a small craft has crashed landed in the area of the barn at Mini-K in Underwood Iowa. Storkian Airlines Flight 201 disappeared from radar about that same time confirmed an un-identified airline spokeperson.

Mini-K ranch officials would not comment on the landing except to say two survivors, Ernie (left) and Emma (right) were found in the area of the nursery. One local goat clanswoman has been reported as being quite a bit smaller after the landing but not too happy with the aftermath of the incident.

This is not the first time Storkian has landed in the area of Mini-K. Earlier this year flight 101 landed in the same area which left the ranch with a new horsie clan member, Penny. Penny has made her home at Mini-K and is, up until this point, the main attaction at the ranch. Mini-K has sold out every show since the landing denied one farmer looking guy in overalls wielding a flowered checkbook.

Mini-K Ranch officials were not immediately available for comment on this incident except to say "it's bottle feeding time". Stay tuned as details will be made available as they unfold. Goat clan photos can be viewed HERE.

Business as Usual Despite Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls Attempt to Bring Back Winter

JFrum — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 12:09:00 GMT

Mini-K Ranch Underwood, Iowa

Tuesday night temperatures plumited to the mid twenties. The horsie clan is already pointing hooves at the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls citing early removal of tank heaters. "The heaters are our insurance policy and having them in place protects us from cold weather" one clam member stated. This cold spell comes after a 30 day period with temps reaching up into the 80s at some points. "This spell won't let up until the tank heaters go back in either". Still it's business as usual around the ranch. The horsie clan still patrols the lower pasture and the barn area and the goat clan still stands around saying "Hey" all the time. The chicken clan is also busy decorating the barnyard area for Halloween. The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls refused comment except to say "What the Hell" about 16 times.

The horsie clan has offered speculation that the cold spell was brought on due to the recent gate incident. No further comment was offered by the clan but authorities fear the horsie clan has a set of gate keys which allows them free access into unauthorized areas of the ranch. On multiple incidents, the horsie clan has been spotted having on site meetings in the lower barn yard area when they were supposed to be in isolated barn yards. The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls was last seen replacing the gate locks and adding new barn doors in the area of the barn yard area.

No further information was available and authorities can only speculate if the locks were paid for using flowered checks. The cold spell has no scheduled end date and there has been no word on what the chicken clan will be for Halloween.

KINI Radio Founded

JFrum — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 17:58:00 GMT

Underwood Iowa

Tuesday a farmer looking guy in overalls released details regarding a new video production service scheduled to debut this Spring at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa. Details are sketchy at this time regarding exactly what will be produced but the chicken clan isn't holding back. The cluckers have leaked rumors of a new TV Production called KINI Channel 5 Alive feature unbiased news clippings from the new edition of the barn. The Horsie Clan would not comment on the news real but some members were seen running up and down the pasture at top speed. There must be excitement in the air. The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls has threatened an offical press release to come in the very near future. There has been no word on how the production company was financed, if flowered checks were used or which clan will run the station.

Monday officials from Mini-K Ranch were spotted testing the equipment from a nearby building and contemplating how the equipment would be placed inside the new facility. The Acme Staple Company of Arizona could be contracted to help support the new system but would not comment on it. Rumors are surfacing and indicate that progress has been slowed significantly due to a mysterious substance hanging around the barn yard area. No further details are available regarding KINI Channel Five Alive, the white cold crap in the yard, how many trips to Menards it'll take or what programming will be available in the new productions at Mini-K.

Mini-K To Expand Quarters

JFrum — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 13:18:00 GMT

Underwood, Ia

Last week officials learned of a building expansion at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa. The ranch currently has an egg production facility in the building but egg production has fallen sharply in the last few months. Officials from the NIAS Egg Consumption Company out of Omaha, Nebraska have confirmed that production has fallen slightly from 100% to somewhere in the area of 0%.

Mini-K Ranch officials, including the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls, were not available for comment on the exact use of the new edition but members from the goat clan have freely revealed that the chickens were working on a new "Chickens Gone Wild" video. The chicken clan would not confirm or deny this claim and were unavailable for further comment stating the Chicken Privacy Act. No details have ever been found on the CPA, however last year the Mini-K Ranch added the "Little Duece Coop" to it's resources of egg production. Still, egg production has never increased since purchasing the new edition.

There is no word on the relationship to the egg production decline and the effectiveness of the hens in hiding the eggs from the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls. Mini-K Ranch officials have repeatively suggested that production is down due to the cold weather but based on recent events there could be other explanations. About 13 months ago the hens of Mini-K were all put into lockdown after being convicted of Laying with Intent to Hide. They were placed into lockdown to "correct" the issue. There is no indication that the corrective actions taken by the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls is a temporary or a permanent one. The Goat Clan has refused to comment.

Mini-K Officials have indeed revealed that a purchase of an unspecified amount was completed in recent weeks for "camera equipment" from an out of state vendor. No more details were revealed but as the new edition nears completion, the chicken clan has still not increased egg production. There's also no word to determine if the camera equipment was purchased with flowered checks. Authorities have also confirmed that Mini-K Ranch officials are not releasing any photos of the new edition although they do admit to having them. No further information is available at this time.

Farmer Looking Guy in OverAlls Narrowly Escapes Being Shot

JFrum — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 12:47:00 GMT

Omaha, Ne

Officials have confirmed that on Wednesday an Underwood area man had narrowly escaped being shot from behind. The very suspecting man who was officially identified as the farmer looking guy in overalls from Underwood Iowa was in an area of town where he normally wouldn't travel. Officials would not confirm if the man was using flowered checks while in the area. A short time after escaping the shooting the un-phased man was found eating a two piece chicken nugget dinner at an area Long John Silvers. The farmer looking guy lives at the Mini-K Ranch in underwood Iowa.

A member from the horsie clan of the Mini-K Ranch who asked to remain anonymous stated the man was not paying attention and had wandered into some poison ivy only 4 days ago. The clan member would not confirm if the farmer looking guy in overalls was wearing his overalls during the mishap. The horsie clan member also confirmed seeing the farmer looking guy usually in overalls applying pink cream to his leg on a regular basis. The pink legged farmer looking guy usually in overalls was not available for comment and did not return our calls.

Henny Penny Moved Into Protective Custody

JFrum — Sun, 16 Jul 2006 13:47:00 GMT

Henny Penny with 13 chics File Photo now 12, now 11 chics

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Friday authorities from Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa confirmed that Henny Penny and her chics have been moved into protective custody but would not comment on exactly where. A member from the nearby goat clan branch indicated that the location was being kept top secret.

Nobody really knows why Henny Penny was moved but speculate it had something to do with the dwindling chic count. The original count of 13 was last reported somewhere around 6. The reason for the short count was not clear.

The CCMK was not available for comment and authorities would not offer any comment on any involvement with the CCMK. They CCMK is currently under investigation for the "Chic in the water bowl" incident earlier this month. "That investigation is still on-going" one Mini-K Ranch Resident proclaimed about 800 times.

The farmer looking guy in overalls would not comment on the whereabouts of the Henny Penny Family only saying "What Chics? What the hell?". No further information is availble at this time.

Mini-K Cat Clan Founded

JFrum — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 23:53:00 GMT

Famous HDZ Bird Clan File Photo

Henry Doorly Zoo Omaha, Ne

On Tuesday a local area man met up with the lethal bird clan gang of HDZ. The HDZ Gang's most common tactic is to lure unsuspecting visitors into the designated drop zone and then tie their shoe strings together. In many cases clan members have been known to distract their victims by landing on their shoulders, head and/or hands. Once on the ground all clan members scoop up any loose change and use that to purchase the $1 popcicle sticks with bird food stuck on them.

A local bird clansfeather was quoted as saying "we find these reports both unfounded and full of white splotches". "There is simply no evidence to support this nor do we have any convictions that you know about yet.".

Still, authorities are not confirming reports of any ongoing investigations regarding these complaints. That doesn't mean an investigation isn't on going. They did confirm though the slightly over priced bird food sticks can not be purchased with flowered checks.

Mini-K Underwood File Photo Services Protection Clan of shoe inspection

Only a few miles away at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood, Iowa the newly founded Cat Clan of Mini-K has begun offering protection services. "The HDZ Bird Gang is our specialty" offered one spokesperson from the gang. The CCMK was formed just this Spring and two members are nearly completed with their training.

CCMK already offers protection for the small chics and has lowered the rodent population by around 312% in the barnyard area. "We offer up close and personal inspections for the HDZ gang" boasted the other CCMK member (who requested to remain anonymous).

At this time the official pricing scale has not been set but is speculated to be around 1 can of food per catch plus the catch itself. There has also been talk of perks along the line of 10 minute belly rubs and collar free Fridays. The Mini-K Ranch Boss was not available for comment regarding any contracts for off site work.

Officials would also not comment on the recent death of one of Henny Pennys chics which was found dead in a water bowl. "There is simply no connection to the CCMK at this time" offered one un-named official, "although the investigation is still on-going and we are treating this as an accident at this time. It would appear that the young chic went for a drink and never came up for air. Although baby chics have brains more complex than most politicians, it may not have been enough to save the young fella."

Mini-K Clucker Talks Of ***

JFrum — Sat, 01 Jul 2006 03:47:00 GMT

Mini-K File Photo Rooster on Horse Poop Spreader

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

An un-named rooster at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa was overheard Friday in the barnyard. Witnesses report that nobody really knows what he was saying but fear it might be related to the 12 new baby chics roaming the barn yard area. The chics, hatched only a week ago, may be direct descendants of the rooster but based on the perch that he selected, on top of the farmer looking guy in overalls manure spreader, nobody can really be sure. Witnesses also report the rooster repeating the same thing only 102 times that very hour.

A short time after the 102nd speach, the official Mini-K Horse stud was seen wandering the farmer looking guy in overalls backyard setting off the 3 dog yard alarm. Authorites would not speculate any link between the two events but did say that it had nothing to do with flowered checks.

Neither the rooster or the stud were available for comment regarding either issue. Authorities are not having any luck getting any of the other barnyard clans to offer any details either. Following a brief chase the stud was convinced into thinking, momentarily (but long enough) that returning to the official allocated stud fenced area was a great idea. If anyone has any information regarding the gate incident or what that rooster really said, please contact your local Mini-K Ranch near you.

Mini-K Ranch Officials to Post Update Their Website

JFrum — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 18:23:00 GMT

Omaha, Ne

In Omaha today authorities confirmed with 92% accuracy that a flowered check waving farmer looking guy in overalls was said to be in the beginning stages of thinking about updating his own website for the first time. Nobody knows if this will actually play through however some informants remain skeptical. Members from the chicken clan were not available for comment at this time and have not returned calls regarding the website.

The Mini-K Website, which is hosted out of the Omaha, area has remained unchanged for quite some time. Weather may be a factor in these events but probably not the only reason. Mini-K has not been able to confirm the current resident numbers of the ranch but analysts speculate it has grown dramatically. No other information is available.

NECC Reports Over Sized Egg

JFrum — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 13:19:00 GMT

Omaha, Ne

Officials confirmed Monday that an extra large egg was found in the last shipment from Mini-K of Underwood. "The egg was so large that it completely filled up the pan in the toaster" officials from NECC reported. The egg was said to of weighed in somewhere under 2 pounds. Authorities speculate the egg was not harvested by the farmer looking guys in overalls. "There's just no way the farmer guy in overalls could of handled an egg of this size without wearing it" an anonymous NECC official added. Still the chicken clan is not commenting on where the egg came from.

As for the source of the egg, officials are watching out for extra large chickens in the area of Mini-K. NECC contracts with Mini-K for egg consumption purposes and is the industry leader in egg consumption. "We can handle the egg no problem" boasted an official from NECC. Officials from Mini-K also confirm that very recently a stork was spotted in the area and has made deliveries.

A spokesperson from Stork Avaiation has confirmed that a delivery was scheduled but the flight plan was not intended for the area of the ranch which lies outside of Underwood. The stork scheduled a return flight almost 10 pounds lighter. The stork was not available for comment and was on his way to Austin to talk to the dean of a school in the area. No further information is available at this time.

Donkeys Stay in West Hut at Mini-K

JFrum — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 13:38:00 GMT

Mini-K Underwood

Mini-K Goat Clan File Photo

Monday officials from the Goat Clan, "the Goaties", confirmed that the donkeys stayed in the West Hut for the very first time. Authorities can not explain why the donkeys choose to stay in the West Hut as they usually prefer the East Hut. "The East Hut is far more Eastern than the Western West Hut" remarked an unidentified official from the Goat Clan. The East Hut also gets a far better satellite connection. "The West Hut did recently receive a good cleaning by the farmer looking guy in overalls and the mama K lady" added the goat clan member. The donkey clan was not available for comment and offered no statement at this time.

In an unrelated incident egg harvesting production is at an all time high this week as production sky rocketed by 800%. The farmer looking guy in overalls manager reported the findings late last weekend. "She was very excited and hardly broke any of the eggs when she found them" chanted the unidentified goat clan official.

Authorities will spend a great deal of time trying to determine if the egg production increase is related to the donkeys choice in accommodations, the flowered check investigation, the newly acquired duce coop or cheesy Super Bowl Commercials. No further information was available.