Mini-K Ranch

Happy Holidays From The Mini-K Ranch

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Tuesday clans members around the area of the Mini-K Ranch were seen getting ready for the holidays.  The barn yard area was a very busy place.  The chicken clan was busy stringing the lights overhead while the horsie clan was preparing the trees.  The goat clan was last seen on the back hill preparing the country side for the 1st annual KINI Christmas Production.  Clans members were very vague in details and were much too busy to comment.  Authorities expect the production will be ready soon and just in time for Chirstmas.  Although Mini-K Ranch officials offered no further details the attached video was leaked by the kitty clan. 

"The production, well underway has kept the clans very busy", commented one unidentified source.  Still the hillside needs much more work before the production can begin.  The production may have been funded using flowered checks although no conclusive evidence has been found to support this theory.  The weather around the barnyard area has been reported as much cooler since the production got underway but it's hard to determine if that was cause or effect.  The Donkey clan, which has recently doubled in size, may be responsible for the strange activities around the barn yard area.  No further details were available.

Mini-K Ranch Expands Staff

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Friday Mini-K Ranch officials announced a staff expansion two fold at the ranch.  Although details were very sketchy originally sources from the chicken clan finally revealed that two new baby chics were found.  The original was quickly wisked away into protective custody somewhere in the Caribbean while the other remained at the ranch.  The Nias Egg Consumption Company (NECC) out of Omaha, Nebraska has confirmed that one of it's deliveries was indeed short by two eggs.  "We will get to the bottom of this very soon" announced the NECC official. 

Sources at the Ranch also plan on moving the second baby chic into protective custody sometime this weekend.  "The two chits will spend the first part of their lives on vacation and that's not fair" announced one un-identified feathered roosting ranch member.  The rooster, having a 42 second memory span quickly left the area in search of something to do. 

Later that same weekend Mini-K Ranch officials announced a third stork delivery, this time for the horsie clan.  The stork was unwilling to comment except to mention that he had taken a wrong turn and that's why he was 3 weeks late.  The exact stork flight plan was unavailable and authorities speculate that no plan was even filed.  The stork was not paid using flowered checks. 

The new horsie clan member named Penny arrived sometime Sunday morning.  Penny is taking advantage of the newly renovated clan nursery which was just completed weeks earlier.  The renovation includes the KINI broadcasting studio which will be run by the clan itself. 

All the clan members are resting comfortably.  No further information is available at this time.  Photos will be posted into the Mini-K Ranch Photo Gallery as they are made available.  Click HERE to see the new horsie clan photos.  Click HERE to see all the Mini-K Ranch photos made available so far.

Business as Usual Despite Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls Attempt to Bring Back Winter

Mini-K Ranch Underwood, Iowa

Tuesday night temperatures plumited to the mid twenties.  The horsie clan is already pointing hooves at the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls citing early removal of tank heaters.   "The heaters are our insurance policy and having them in place protects us from cold weather" one clam member stated.  This cold spell comes after a 30 day period with temps reaching up into the 80s at some points.  "This spell won't let up until the tank heaters go back in either".  Still it's business as usual around the ranch.  The horsie clan still patrols the lower pasture and the barn area and the goat clan still stands around saying "Hey" all the time.  The chicken clan is also busy decorating the barnyard area for Halloween.  The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls refused comment except to say "What the Hell" about 16 times.  

The horsie clan has offered speculation that the cold spell was brought on due to the recent gate incident.  No further comment was offered by the clan but authorities fear the horsie clan has a set of gate keys which allows them free access into unauthorized areas of the ranch.  On multiple incidents, the horsie clan has been spotted having on site meetings in the lower barn yard area when they were supposed to be in isolated barn yards.  The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls was last seen replacing the gate locks and adding new barn doors in the area of the barn yard area.

No further information was available and authorities can only speculate if the locks were paid for using flowered checks.  The cold spell has no scheduled end date and there has been no word on what the chicken clan will be for Halloween. 

KINI Radio Founded

Underwood Iowa

Tuesday a farmer looking guy in overalls released details regarding a new video production service scheduled to debut this Spring at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa.  Details are sketchy at this time regarding exactly what will be produced but the chicken clan isn't holding back.  The cluckers have leaked rumors of a new TV Production called KINI Channel 5 Alive feature unbiased news clippings from the new edition of the barn.  The Horsie Clan would not comment on the news real but some members were seen running up and down the pasture at top speed.  There must be excitement in the air.  The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls has threatened an offical press release to come in the very near future.  There has been no word on how the production company was financed, if flowered checks were used or which clan will run the station. 

Monday officials from Mini-K Ranch were spotted testing the equipment from a nearby building and contemplating how the equipment would be placed inside the new facility.  The Acme Staple Company of Arizona could be contracted to help support the new system but would not comment on it.  Rumors are surfacing and indicate that progress has been slowed significantly due to a mysterious substance hanging around the barn yard area.  No further details are available regarding KINI Channel Five Alive, the white cold crap in the yard, how many trips to Menards it'll take or what programming will be available in the new productions at Mini-K.

Mini-K To Expand Quarters

Underwood, Ia

Last week officials learned of a building expansion at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa.  The ranch currently has an egg production facility in the building but egg production has fallen sharply in the last few months.  Officials from the NIAS Egg Consumption Company out of Omaha, Nebraska have confirmed that production has fallen slightly from 100% to somewhere in the area of 0%. 

Mini-K Ranch officials, including the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls, were not available for comment on the exact use of the new edition but members from the goat clan have freely revealed that the chickens were working on a new "Chickens Gone Wild" video.  The chicken clan would not confirm or deny this claim and were unavailable for further comment stating the Chicken Privacy Act.  No details have ever been found on the CPA, however last year the Mini-K Ranch added the "Little Duece Coop" to it's resources of egg production.  Still, egg production has never increased since purchasing the new edition.

There is no word on the relationship to the egg production decline and the effectiveness of the hens in hiding the eggs from the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls.  Mini-K Ranch officials have repeatively suggested that production is down due to the cold weather but based on recent events there could be other explanations.  About 13 months ago the hens of Mini-K were all put into lockdown after being convicted of Laying with Intent to Hide.  They were placed into lockdown to "correct" the issue.  There is no indication that the corrective actions taken by the Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls is a temporary or a permanent one.  The Goat Clan has refused to comment.

Mini-K Officials have indeed revealed that a purchase of an unspecified amount was completed in recent weeks for "camera equipment" from an out of state vendor.  No more details were revealed but as the new edition nears completion, the chicken clan has still not increased egg production.  There's also no word to determine if the camera equipment was purchased with flowered checks.  Authorities have also confirmed that Mini-K Ranch officials are not releasing any photos of the new edition although they do admit to having them.  No further information is available at this time.

Billy Goat Sighted As Snow Melts On Mini-K

Underwood Iowa

As the snow finally started melting around the Mini-K Ranch near Underwood Iowa, authorities discovered what appears to be a billy goat named Dozer who has been missing for no amount of time.  The small resourceful critter was found in another pen with the other girls sometime after 5:30 PM.  The Farmer Look Guy in Overalls would not comment but had a very puzzled look on his face as he attempted to convince the small but resistant goat to return to his pen.  Apparently the grass, which was under about 4 inches of frozen snow, was a little greener on the other side of the fence so Dozer decided he'd just jump it.  The Farmer Looking Guy in Overalls was last seen building taller fences in the area of Dozers Pen.  Mini-K Ranch Officials would not comment on any rumors about little baby goat hut editions or the rooster who is walking a little "funny". 

Henny Penny Moved Into Protective Custody

Henny Penny with 13 chics File Photo now 12, now 11 chics

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

Friday authorities from Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa confirmed that Henny Penny and her chics have been moved into protective custody but would not comment on exactly where.  A member from the nearby goat clan branch indicated that the location was being kept top secret.

Nobody really knows why Henny Penny was moved but speculate it had something to do with the dwindling chic count.  The original count of 13 was last reported somewhere around 6.  The reason for the short count was not clear. 

The CCMK was not available for comment and authorities would not offer any comment on any involvement with the CCMK.  They CCMK is currently under investigation for the "Chic in the water bowl" incident earlier this month.  "That investigation is still on-going" one Mini-K Ranch Resident proclaimed about 800 times. 

The farmer looking guy in overalls would not comment on the whereabouts of the Henny Penny Family only saying "What Chics?  What the hell?".  No further information is availble at this time.

Mini-K Cat Clan Founded

Famous HDZ Bird Clan File Photo

Henry Doorly Zoo Omaha, Ne

On Tuesday a local area man met up with the lethal bird clan gang of HDZ.  The HDZ Gang's most common tactic is to lure unsuspecting visitors into the designated drop zone and then tie their shoe strings together.  In many cases clan members have been known to distract their victims by landing on their shoulders, head and/or hands.  Once on the ground all clan members scoop up any loose change and use that to purchase the $1 popcicle sticks with bird food stuck on them.

A local bird clansfeather was quoted as saying "we find these reports both unfounded and full of white splotches".  "There is simply no evidence to support this nor do we have any convictions that you know about yet.". 

Still, authorities are not confirming reports of any ongoing investigations regarding these complaints.  That doesn't mean an investigation isn't on going.  They did confirm though the slightly over priced bird food sticks can not be purchased with flowered checks. 

Mini-K Underwood File Photo Services Protection Clan of shoe inspection

Only a few miles away at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood, Iowa the newly founded Cat Clan of Mini-K has begun offering protection services.  "The HDZ Bird Gang is our specialty" offered one spokesperson from the gang.  The CCMK was formed just this Spring and two members are nearly completed with their training. 

CCMK already offers protection for the small chics and has lowered the rodent population by around 312% in the barnyard area.  "We offer up close and personal inspections for the HDZ gang" boasted the other CCMK member (who requested to remain anonymous). 

At this time the official pricing scale has not been set but is speculated to be around 1 can of food per catch plus the catch itself.  There has also been talk of perks along the line of 10 minute belly rubs and collar free Fridays.  The Mini-K Ranch Boss was not available for comment regarding any contracts for off site work. 

Officials would also not comment on the recent death of one of Henny Pennys chics which was found dead in a water bowl.  "There is simply no connection to the CCMK at this time" offered one un-named official, "although the investigation is still on-going and we are treating this as an accident at this time.  It would appear that the young chic went for a drink and never came up for air.  Although baby chics have brains more complex than most politicians, it may not have been enough to save the young fella." 

Mini-K Clucker Talks Of ***

Mini-K File Photo Rooster on Horse Poop Spreader

Mini-K Ranch Underwood Iowa

An un-named rooster at the Mini-K Ranch in Underwood Iowa was overheard Friday in the barnyard.  Witnesses report that nobody really knows what he was saying but fear it might be related to the 12 new baby chics roaming the barn yard area.  The chics, hatched only a week ago, may be direct descendants of the rooster but based on the perch that he selected, on top of the farmer looking guy in overalls manure spreader, nobody can really be sure.  Witnesses also report the rooster repeating the same thing only 102 times that very hour.

A short time after the 102nd speach, the official Mini-K Horse stud was seen wandering the farmer looking guy in overalls backyard setting off the 3 dog yard alarm.  Authorites would not speculate any link between the two events but did say that it had nothing to do with flowered checks. 

Neither the rooster or the stud were available for comment regarding either issue.  Authorities are not having any luck getting any of the other barnyard clans to offer any details either.  Following a brief chase the stud was convinced into thinking, momentarily (but long enough) that returning to the official allocated stud fenced area was a great idea.  If anyone has any information regarding the gate incident or what that rooster really said, please contact your local Mini-K Ranch near you.

Mini-K Ranch Officials to Post Update Their Website

Omaha, Ne

In Omaha today authorities confirmed with 92% accuracy that a flowered check waving farmer looking guy in overalls was said to be in the beginning stages of thinking about updating his own website for the first time.  Nobody knows if this will actually play through however some informants remain skeptical.  Members from the chicken clan were not available for comment at this time and have not returned calls regarding the website.

The Mini-K Website, which is hosted out of the Omaha, area has remained unchanged for quite some time.  Weather may be a factor in these events but probably not the only reason.  Mini-K has not been able to confirm the current resident numbers of the ranch but analysts speculate it has grown dramatically.  No other information is available.

NECC Reports Over Sized Egg

Omaha, Ne

Officials confirmed Monday that an extra large egg was found in the last shipment from Mini-K of Underwood.  "The egg was so large that it completely filled up the pan in the toaster" officials from NECC reported.  The egg was said to of weighed in somewhere under 2 pounds.  Authorities speculate the egg was not harvested by the farmer looking guys in overalls.  "There's just no way the farmer guy in overalls could of handled an egg of this size without wearing it" an anonymous NECC official added.  Still the chicken clan is not commenting on where the egg came from. 

As for the source of the egg, officials are watching out for extra large chickens in the area of Mini-K.  NECC contracts with Mini-K for egg consumption purposes and is the industry leader in egg consumption.  "We can handle the egg no problem" boasted an official from NECC.  Officials from Mini-K also confirm that very recently a stork was spotted in the area and has made deliveries. 

A spokesperson from Stork Avaiation has confirmed that a delivery was scheduled but the flight plan was not intended for the area of the ranch which lies outside of Underwood.  The stork scheduled a return flight almost 10 pounds lighter.  The stork was not available for comment and was on his way to Austin to talk to the dean of a school in the area.  No further information is available at this time.

 

New Chicken Coop Still Without Dish

Mini-K Underwood

Sunday officials confirmed that the newly acquired Duce Coop will continue to remain in the dark for satellite TV connections.  No exact reason for the decision was conveyed but analysts speculate it was related to a commercial lacking quality during the Sunday Super Bowl.  The un-named commercial which was aired repeatively, could cause damage to the chicked egg laying capacity. 

Nias Egg Consumption Company of Omaha has confirmed that supply from Mink-K (not MINK) was down 312% since signing with the company for consumption business.  NECC would not confirm or deny the information regarding bad Super Bowl Commercials or that the Duce Coop was paid for using a flowered check. 

There has also been speculation that egg production was down following a 8 day period in which the ranch was renamed to the Mini Crooked K Ranch after a 14 cent nut fell from the sign.  "I found the nut in the grass under the sign and have ordered repairs" confirmed the farmer looking guy in overalls.  The sign was not paid for using flowered checks. 

The sign incident followed another dry spell when the chickens internal GPS component fell from wack.  "The chickens are reset and are doing fine" officials from Mini Crooked K confirmed.  "The cheesy bits commerical just adds to the challenges of harvesting eggs" confirmed a spokesperson from the donkey clan.  The same official could not confirm if the cheesy was part of the product advertised or the commercial itself.  No other information was available.

Mini-K Sinches Deal

Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Friday, the Mini-K Ranch of Underwood closed the deal on the chicken coop saga after it completed the migration of the new used coop to the ranch in Underwood.  The existing staff of nobody will be seamlessly integrated with the existing production line officials said.  Upon arrival, the entire chicken clan surrounded the new building as it neared it's final location.  "Within 40 seconds all had lost interest and wandered away" said one spokesman. 

The new duce coop will house new chics and be used as a nursery said the farmer looking guy in overalls.  "It doesn't have electricity so we won't be able to watch satellite or even have satellite radio" an un-named two footed, feathered friend clucked.  That didn't stop the donkey clan from checking it out and remaining inside for quite some time.  "We don't care if it was paid for with flowered checks or not, if it's new, we need to check it out" said one donkey official. 

Arriving on site around 5. P.M. Friday, the coop was in place and ready for production by 7 P.M. that same day.  Shortly after that showers set in and made the area around the coop a living mud pie (not low calorie either).  The coop was unloaded using the patented "weakest link" technology.  This method incorporates a tug of war action with the weakest link being the coop which unloads itself right into place. 

Officials at Mini-K hope the new coop will enahance egg production.  It currently has contracts with several egg consumption outfits including NIAS Egg Consumption out of Omaha.  NECC is one of the leading organizations of it's time and is expected to benefit directly from the acquisition of the duce coop.

Mini-K Expansion Takes Step Forward; Chickens Do A Little Dance

Mini-K Underwood IA

In recent developments from Mini-K of Underwood, officials have announced that a small team has been assembled to oversee the purchase operation of a new chicken coop.  The new duce coop will be placed next to the uno coop already in place.  The uno coop is already at capacity and ranch officials are anxious to expand. 

The purchase looked dim last week when the national transportation board declined passage over state lines.  The resourceful team from Mini-K headed up by the farmer looking guy in overalls, declined to comment further except that they were working other avenues to make it happen.

A spokesperson from the chicken clan who asked not be identified, has speculated that the move was in response to the hens refusing to lay eggs where the farmer looking guy in overalls had intended.  That all started when a visitor to the ranch was attacked for no obvious reason.  The ranch has until the end of February to conclude the acquisition.  The Mini-K Ranch officials were unavailable for comment pending the outcome of the flowered check investigation which is ongoing. 

 

Mini-K Ranch Hens Released On Probation

Mini-K Underwood

Monday 13 hens were released at Mini-K after a short confinement for laying with intent to hide with time served.  The hens were said to of been hiding eggs behind 6 bails of hay and around the garage area.  A short time before the door to the cell confining them was opened church bells could be heard in the distance. 

The controversy started with an altercation last week after a visitor to the ranch was attacked.  The farmer looking guy in overalls was quoted as saying "I'm sure they'll be running around like chickens with their heads not chopped off".  Normally the hens are allowed to roam the ranch free and clear with the roosters but that changed when they started hiding the eggs. 

The confinement was ordered by ranch officials in order to reset the hens internal GPS component which programs the egg laying location.  A second confinement may be ordered again if the hens don't cooperate.  If that happens "the roosters will be out running around without the girls" the farmer looking guy in overalls added. 

Mini-K ranch, founded in 2005 specializes in egg harvesting and transportation and is not found on the national stock exchange under MINK. 

Mini-K To Expand Egg Laying Business

1/19/2006 Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Mini-K of Underwood has announced Sunday that it has begun plans to buy out an un-named chicked egg laying organization out of Omaha.  If approved, the acquisition could increase Mini-K Egg Production by 28% in the first 6 months.  The purchase, still pending approval on all sides was said to of been anywhere under 2 million. 

Mini-K officials have dismissed any suggestions that the purchase had anything to do with upset hens who have recently been reported to of been hiding eggs as if it was Easter.  "That is completly bogus.  What the hell" said the farmer looking guy in overalls. 

Still pending is the actual transportation of the newly acquired company and the reorganization of any existing staff.  The purchased company was said to have an existing staff of nobody and organizing this magnitude can be tricky and time consuming.  Analyst say it's not impossible but caution that setting the new company in place might take time. 

The original purchase of the company was long delayed and it was reported that the purchase almost didn't happen.  Mini-K could stand to lose the entire purchase price if the plan does not follow through.  The original delay happened when the farmer looking guy in overalls lost his car keys and only after searching a field in the dark using a small flashlight did he finally discover them in his pocket the next day.

Chicken Demands Apology As Human Fails to Yield

Saturday 1/14/2006 - Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Saturday an Omaha man was walking through the farm yard and was attacked by a 10 inch feather waving chicken.  The bird, thought to have been in charge of the yard at the time, would not comment but was thought to of been offended by the mans shoes.  In response, the man and bird had a small altercation which resulted in no further injuries.  Sources indicate the bird may have been offended by comments made by the unidentified man regarding breakfast materials. 

Sunday it was reported that the chicken had organized a brief rally with the other chickens by sealing off the door to the coop and hiding all the newly hatched eggs behind 6 bails of hay.  The farmer apparently discovered the eggs after the door was discovered sealed.  The un-named farmer of Underwood would not comment except to say he would not be interested in moving all that hay that day. 

Details are sketchy but it appears the chicken may have won the battle this time but the farmer has been reported to of been working on plans to seal the door in the open position to defer any possible future chicken clan plans.  The nearby donkey clan has declined to comment on any organization to the chickens at this time neither confirming or denying it.  A spokesperson for the chicken clan said they organization would continue unless the farmer agreed to a new coop.  No more details are available at this time.