Mini-K Ranch

Mini-K Visitor Trips Alarm

File Photo

Officials at Mini-K have confirmed that an alarm was tripped last weekend at the Mini-K Ranch outside of Underwood.  Details are sketchy at this time but the alarm was to of said to be stopped at the second stage.  Analysts confirm that if the third stage would of been tripped that it could of been a very serious issue. 

The alarm has now been confirmed to be false and there were no injuries.  All three alarm compounds did alert as the visitor approached the entry for the housing unit.  The alarm, having three complete stages, triggers when an unsuspecting intruder enters the house.

During the first stage, the audible alarm sounds warning off any would be intruders.  During the second stage, the alarms use the power of gravity to put the intruders right on their butt by applying the slipping agent making the floor very slippery and near impossible to walk on.  This same agent also allows state of the art intruder tracking throughout the ordeal.  During the final stage the alarms then use brutal force to blind the intruders with pure 100% patented slobber power. 

Officials from Mini-K would not elaborate on the configuration of the alarm system stating only that an alarm exists for the entire ranch.  Analyst indicate this is normal procedure as alarms systems are confidential.  Law enforcement authorities were not available for comment.  No further details were available on the Mini-K Ranch Alarm System. 

Mini-K Sinches Deal

Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Friday, the Mini-K Ranch of Underwood closed the deal on the chicken coop saga after it completed the migration of the new used coop to the ranch in Underwood.  The existing staff of nobody will be seamlessly integrated with the existing production line officials said.  Upon arrival, the entire chicken clan surrounded the new building as it neared it's final location.  "Within 40 seconds all had lost interest and wandered away" said one spokesman. 

The new duce coop will house new chics and be used as a nursery said the farmer looking guy in overalls.  "It doesn't have electricity so we won't be able to watch satellite or even have satellite radio" an un-named two footed, feathered friend clucked.  That didn't stop the donkey clan from checking it out and remaining inside for quite some time.  "We don't care if it was paid for with flowered checks or not, if it's new, we need to check it out" said one donkey official. 

Arriving on site around 5. P.M. Friday, the coop was in place and ready for production by 7 P.M. that same day.  Shortly after that showers set in and made the area around the coop a living mud pie (not low calorie either).  The coop was unloaded using the patented "weakest link" technology.  This method incorporates a tug of war action with the weakest link being the coop which unloads itself right into place. 

Officials at Mini-K hope the new coop will enahance egg production.  It currently has contracts with several egg consumption outfits including NIAS Egg Consumption out of Omaha.  NECC is one of the leading organizations of it's time and is expected to benefit directly from the acquisition of the duce coop.

posted by JFrum with 1 Comments

Mini-K Expansion Takes Step Forward; Chickens Do A Little Dance

Mini-K Underwood IA

In recent developments from Mini-K of Underwood, officials have announced that a small team has been assembled to oversee the purchase operation of a new chicken coop.  The new duce coop will be placed next to the uno coop already in place.  The uno coop is already at capacity and ranch officials are anxious to expand. 

The purchase looked dim last week when the national transportation board declined passage over state lines.  The resourceful team from Mini-K headed up by the farmer looking guy in overalls, declined to comment further except that they were working other avenues to make it happen.

A spokesperson from the chicken clan who asked not be identified, has speculated that the move was in response to the hens refusing to lay eggs where the farmer looking guy in overalls had intended.  That all started when a visitor to the ranch was attacked for no obvious reason.  The ranch has until the end of February to conclude the acquisition.  The Mini-K Ranch officials were unavailable for comment pending the outcome of the flowered check investigation which is ongoing. 

posted by JFrum (Comments Off)

Mini-K Ranch Hens Released On Probation

Mini-K Underwood

Monday 13 hens were released at Mini-K after a short confinement for laying with intent to hide with time served.  The hens were said to of been hiding eggs behind 6 bails of hay and around the garage area.  A short time before the door to the cell confining them was opened church bells could be heard in the distance. 

The controversy started with an altercation last week after a visitor to the ranch was attacked.  The farmer looking guy in overalls was quoted as saying "I'm sure they'll be running around like chickens with their heads not chopped off".  Normally the hens are allowed to roam the ranch free and clear with the roosters but that changed when they started hiding the eggs. 

The confinement was ordered by ranch officials in order to reset the hens internal GPS component which programs the egg laying location.  A second confinement may be ordered again if the hens don't cooperate.  If that happens "the roosters will be out running around without the girls" the farmer looking guy in overalls added. 

Mini-K ranch, founded in 2005 specializes in egg harvesting and transportation and is not found on the national stock exchange under MINK. 

posted by JFrum with 1 Comments

Farmer Looking Guy to Expand Fence Line

1/20/2006 Mini-K Ranch Underwood

A small but fruitful ranch lies just outside of Underwood called Mini-K Ranch.  The ranch, starting out small, is under new management and is already expecting expansion.  An un-named source has indicated the mini horse divison is already planning an expansion West of the ranch.  The farmer guy wearing overalls was spotted Saturday purchasing fence posts using a check with flowers on it.  Officials from the ranch will not confirm the details stating only that the check did not have flowers on it.  An ongoing investigation is underway to determine how many flowers may have been printed on the check. 

Just recently, the ranch expanded the doggie division South of the ranch which was originally plotted to move West of the ranch.  Officials now speculate the doggie division was moved South to make more room for the horsie division.  The doggie expansion, now completed, was said to of cost anywhere under 1.3 million and scheduled to be completed nearly 2 weeks ago.  "The doggies are happy with their new home even though, only recently, the gate was added" adds a secret informant  "Nobody knows why the doggies stayed in there without a gate". 

The horsie expansion, still in the planning stages, will begin to take shape this Spring.  Mini-K has already purchased the land necessary for the expansion and has room beyond that to grow.  No further details are available.

posted by JFrum (Comments Off)

Mini-K To Expand Egg Laying Business

1/19/2006 Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Mini-K of Underwood has announced Sunday that it has begun plans to buy out an un-named chicked egg laying organization out of Omaha.  If approved, the acquisition could increase Mini-K Egg Production by 28% in the first 6 months.  The purchase, still pending approval on all sides was said to of been anywhere under 2 million. 

Mini-K officials have dismissed any suggestions that the purchase had anything to do with upset hens who have recently been reported to of been hiding eggs as if it was Easter.  "That is completly bogus.  What the hell" said the farmer looking guy in overalls. 

Still pending is the actual transportation of the newly acquired company and the reorganization of any existing staff.  The purchased company was said to have an existing staff of nobody and organizing this magnitude can be tricky and time consuming.  Analyst say it's not impossible but caution that setting the new company in place might take time. 

The original purchase of the company was long delayed and it was reported that the purchase almost didn't happen.  Mini-K could stand to lose the entire purchase price if the plan does not follow through.  The original delay happened when the farmer looking guy in overalls lost his car keys and only after searching a field in the dark using a small flashlight did he finally discover them in his pocket the next day.

posted by JFrum (Comments Off)

Chicken Demands Apology As Human Fails to Yield

Saturday 1/14/2006 - Mini-K Ranch Underwood

Saturday an Omaha man was walking through the farm yard and was attacked by a 10 inch feather waving chicken.  The bird, thought to have been in charge of the yard at the time, would not comment but was thought to of been offended by the mans shoes.  In response, the man and bird had a small altercation which resulted in no further injuries.  Sources indicate the bird may have been offended by comments made by the unidentified man regarding breakfast materials. 

Sunday it was reported that the chicken had organized a brief rally with the other chickens by sealing off the door to the coop and hiding all the newly hatched eggs behind 6 bails of hay.  The farmer apparently discovered the eggs after the door was discovered sealed.  The un-named farmer of Underwood would not comment except to say he would not be interested in moving all that hay that day. 

Details are sketchy but it appears the chicken may have won the battle this time but the farmer has been reported to of been working on plans to seal the door in the open position to defer any possible future chicken clan plans.  The nearby donkey clan has declined to comment on any organization to the chickens at this time neither confirming or denying it.  A spokesperson for the chicken clan said they organization would continue unless the farmer agreed to a new coop.  No more details are available at this time.

posted by JFrum (Comments Off)

Brand New BLOG

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